Yes, I Can Change

Will I Ever Not Hate It?

2011-02-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, I have now made it eight months! I have been doing weight lifting or circuit training 5x a week. I have been successful in staying on track through a busy period at work (a first) and a period of grieving/depression (also a first), and through a few minor illnesses and a few injuries (always previously good reasons to quit!). At times I did well with my diet, and at other times less well, but I persisted with the exercise and made it a priority no matter what - so when I couldn't do everything, my food slipped instead of my exercise. I think this was a good move as the exercise is way harder to start up again than good eating habits.

At the moment, I am swimming 16 laps, a lap being 50 yards. I will soon be up to a half mile, and my goal is to do a mile (35.2 laps) by mid June. I have a persistent foot injury (plantar facitis) that has made it impossible to do cardio machines or walk, so swimming is the only safe cardio, which has been a real setback. I am lucky that there is a new pool though, and with that I am able to swim more than I could before - when I need to most.

Currently, my diet is on track and I am swimming 5x a week and doing weightlifting for an hour 5x a week. I feel huge frustration with the effort and energy this takes. Every morning I have to take several bags - my swim bag, my gym bag, my work bag, my purse, and my lunch...and my dog, who comes with me to work nearly every day...and coffee, and breakfast. That's a lot to prepare every night. It's a lot to hassle with. I hate it.

After all these months, I still hate the exercise. Though I have stuck with it, I never hit the magic "I love it now!" that people talk about. I actually wonder if I will ever not hate it, and if I thought I had to live every day of my life making all this effort every day, I'd probably quit on the spot. I try to just take it week by week, a little progress here and there.

I am training up for a big trip in June that I *really* want to be able to hike on, and to be able to do a long walk. I have to heal my foot, that is priority one, and increase my cardiovascular fitness, and stay with healthy eating so I don't regain any weight and I continue to lose. Wish me luck!

Slow but sure

2010-08-20T12:10:00.000-06:00

Well, today I will have made it six weeks with the intensive personal training. Circuit training for an hour a day, and cardio for 30 minutes in addition - ideally daily, but so far the most I have built up to is 4x a week. Still, that is pretty darn good considering 2 months ago I was doing nothing at all. The diet is also going well, that is actually the easy part for me compared to the working out. I am now down 11 pounds, and in a little under 6 weeks I can live with it...despite the fact it seems so slow and I am not very patient. Usually things I work that hard at get done a lot faster...but there is not a faster way to get there so I just have to stick with it.

In a few weeks I have a trip that will take two weeks. I am looking forward to that. However, I had planned to train up a lot for hiking, and I am getting over some plantar facitis in one foot (hopefully) so I have been doing Physical Therapy for that as well...and sticking with low impact cardio like eliptical, bike, and swimming. I look forward to hiking again and hope to get to the other side of the silly condition as soon as possible.

Getting More Intense

2010-08-14T12:35:00.001-06:00

Well, I survived five weeks of circuit training an hour a day 5x a week, and getting in other cardio as I can. Now things will increase for the next month, to trying to get at least 30 minutes of cardio daily plus the 5hrs a week of strength training. I have only lost 9 pounds in 5 weeks, which I know is not bad, but given the amount of effort it takes, seems paltry!!!

After One Month

2010-08-08T14:00:00.002-06:00

After one month of working out 5 days a week, it hasn't gotten any easier to do. I am down seven pounds and up in strength, but to me the changes are still very minor, and it is still a huge effort to force myself to do something I hate so much every day! Hoping it will get easier as it becomes a habit.

Sticking With It...ug

2010-07-28T21:47:00.000-06:00

Well, two and a half weeks into training 5x a week, I am sticking with it...though I admit, hating it most of the time. I am determined to stick with it....though there are some days I literally have to drag myself there!

Two Weeks of Training Down!

2010-07-23T11:18:00.000-06:00

I have survived two weeks of training 5x a week with a personal trainer, doing mostly circuit training. Each week I have also gotten in two other cardio things - this week swimming and walking to work. Also aiming for 3x a week, and if I can bike tomorrow I will make that - but this week I was a bit sick and so I didn't want to overdue it. As it is, going from doing nothing to 5x a week is hard; adding 2 or 3 more things on top is also hard.

I am liking the Lose It app for iphone fairly well for a calorie/food log. It does make me more conscious and perhaps more careful of portion size and not going on snacking binges.

I have been more tired, and have some minor stiffness or soreness now and then, but overall - going okay.

Week One Down With Success

2010-07-17T11:02:00.000-06:00

Well, I made it to work out every day an hour a day for 5 days this week - with a trainer - as planned. I also worked in tennis and hiking (not a great deal of each, but better than nothing) and plan horseback riding too. My calories were good, 1,200 - 1,500 a day, and I am tracking them. So far, it feels like I've already been doing it forever and I would just as soon stop and relax. But I will persevere. I have several future dates that I can measure progress against - the first being a trip just a little over eight weeks away.

Working with a personal trainer

2010-07-14T17:38:00.000-06:00

Having had a number of starts and stops, I finally bit the bullet and spent the money and hired a personal trainer to work out with me five times a week for an hour each day. That's a big adjustment for me, and I am only in the first week, but it has been good because I feel compelled to work out every day and I make the most of my workout time. She pushes me without irritating me and it is a good personality fit - very hard to find, as I want to kill those perky trainers and I am not into the yelling, screaming ones either. Low key but able to apply pressure to get the job done, in an effective way, is what I need. The gym is very convenient to my work, and I have eliminated most excuses - the timing isn't ideal and the cost is not great - but it's silly to spend money on things that don't work and not what definatly will.

I got an iphone a few months ago, and I find the free Loseit! app useful. You can log what you eat as you go and you always have it with you. Eight Glasses a Day is a cheap app that helps you log water consumption and try to get to 8 glasses a day. I also love the MotionX app that maps my walks with the dogs and tells em average speed and distance/elevation, etc. Mapmyride is a bicycle one I haven't tried yet.

I am pushing myself to not only do the workouts, but to add in as much extra as I can. Yesterday I played tennis for the first time in about 20 years. I am aiming for a hike with the dogs tomorrow, and horseback riding this weekend. Overall I am feeling positive about commitment to a program I am confident will work, and I have some short term goals - the fist one being training up for a trip I am taking in 8 weeks and 4 days, so I can see if I am down a size or two and have more clothing choices for that trip. Also, ideally, the trip will be better the more fit I am when I go.

I have some plans for June of next year where I am planning a "trip of a lifetime" too and I really want that to be a great trip where I am as close to my goal/ideal body weight as possible. So, progress will be tracked......and hopefully success is in the making, though long, long overdue.

Another step...

2010-02-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

Today I walked to work, which is about two and a half miles. I didn't walk home, which would have been better, but I'm glad I at least managed to make myself get up and walk in! Small steps in the right direction.

Time to Start Over

2010-02-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

So, I have a specific goal of getting in better shape to better enjoy an upcoming vacation....in 16 weeks and 3 days. I am going to focus on making steady progress in the right direction and set some different focuses each week. As always though, one of the hardest parts is just getting started! Today I forced myself to take baby steps in the right direction rather than just plan future steps. I admit, however, that I am lacking energy lately, not getting enough sleep, and having a variety of issues that I have to set aside or work through to succeed.

Today I spent some time grooming the animals, which is a bit of exercise since there are several and it's a bit of work. I took the stairs three times instead of the elevator. Though it's not much, it's better than nothing, and I have a long ways to go so you have to start somewhere.

Progress

2009-07-13T21:51:00.001-06:00

Today I swam 12 laps, in 30 minutes. I haven't been exercising regularly so that was hard...but hopefully I can get some endurance built up in the next few weeks by getting back into a regular routine.

I Got Off Track, Obviously!

2009-06-30T13:28:00.002-06:00

I had so many energy drains going on in life the last few months I didn't have the energy to spend on myself. So I was lazy, and ate things I loved, and it does no good to remain on that track. I found some new motivation as I have some upcoming trips planned that will be a lot easier if I get more fit. So I am starting to pay attention again, to devote energy to eating well, and I have to force myself to get back on a regular exercise program. I set some small and manageable goals and I am working on things one day at a time.

Okay, I'm Back

2009-03-18T06:56:00.003-06:00

After about a month of not paying attention to diet and not exercising at all, stressing massively and eating pizza and chocolate, I am going to get back on track. My massive workload changed abruptly yesterday and so I am going to be able to transition back to a normal life, such as that is at my house. Overall I gained 5lbs, which is not as bad as it could have been and nothing worth obsessing about. I have come to terms with the fact I just CANNOT do it all and when I have to concentrate on only work, I can't try and pressure myself to fit in healthy diet and exercise. Maybe I can someday reach the point those are habits enough I can stick with them - but I doubt it as in those times I hardly sleep, I work allllllll the time, and I can't even remember to pay bills or eat sometimes, so I hardly think I'll be adding anything to the mix.

Time to restock the fridge with healthy items, catch up on my life and all the things I have set aside for a month, and get back to the gym and some exercise. Though that is not my favorite thing to do, it beats non-stop work, which I will be grateful for a break from.

Work Strikes Again

2009-02-27T08:27:00.002-07:00

I was going to try and not get derailed when absorbed in my major work project for the next month, but I realized after trying for a couple weeks that no matter how much I'd like to, it's not realistic. I simply can't spare the time or energy for the next month to do anything but this work obligation, which is 24/7 until it's over. So rather than obsess and beat myself up I think I'll accept that I can't pull off two number one priorities at one time. In April, I can resume, and I'll have more time over the summer to focus as well as more options since the weather will be getting nice and I can do more horseback riding and be outside longer. So, we shall see.

Not A Good Week

2009-02-21T09:46:00.002-07:00

Well, I got busy, tired, stressed and lazy this week so I admit that I had a couple meals that were off the diet, and even one non-vegetarian. I did my strength training but not my cardio. I am sure I didn't lose anything and may have gained. But, it's a tiny blip and not a huge mistake, no reason to get totally derailed. I have a massive work project for the next 35-40 days that will be all consuming so whatever I can do to try and maintain healthy habits at ALL and get through that will be good - I have to push myself not to just forget it and go back to my old ways.

Hiking

2009-02-15T15:01:00.002-07:00

I've been hiking with a new partner and it has been rigorous. This weekend I went both days on hikes that were tiring enough I felt wiped out afterwards, and I was working HARD on the uphills. Yesterday I also went roller skating, which I did every weekend as a kid, but it is not something I remember well! I was happy I didn't fall down, but it hurt my feet!! I do think it was a good leg workout though - the skates are heavy, and you use all kinds of muscles to balance.

I've done pretty well on diet this week, not as well on exercise, but I continue to make progress to integrate exercise more and more into my life and to push myself.

Making Progress

2009-02-11T12:49:00.002-07:00

Today I did strength training and went to the pool to swim. I made it 10 laps, which was about 25 minutes, before I was too tired to go any further. Sorry to say I didn't do as well the last two days, but something is better than nothing and at least I am moving in the right direction. My weights have increased a little at the gym on about 1/3 of the machines I'm using.

This week I made a curried peanut soup that I didn't like well enough to finish, but I also made a garlic broth that was really excellent and I think will become a favorite. Also, I roasted tomatoes and fennel and both were, I thought, very satisfying. For lunch I've gotten used to a multigrain tortilla with refried beans, hot sauce and a little cheese - while I'm aiming for vegan I find cheese by far the hardest to give up! And beans without cheese...are pretty boring. I also usually have an apple, maybe with some peanut butter.

Only about a C+

2009-02-08T19:13:00.002-07:00

Well, I haven't had A behavior this week, but probably B - or C +. I didn't get to the gym as much as I intended but I did go on a 4 mile hike yesterday. I've resisted all cravings and eaten very healthy and limited portions, but I gave myself Sunday off and made some non-diet foods. However, I planned the week's menus - all vegetarian or vegan and healthy. I've decided to hook up with a trainer to help with some accountability and making sure I push myself on exercise. I spent more energy this week on planning healthy food than exercise.

Good Food, but No Exercise

2009-02-05T10:06:00.004-07:00

I just couldn't drag myself to the gym yesterday, but today I'll do both strength training and cardio to make up for it. I was also really having a hard day yesterday and I didn't get time for lunch until mid-afternoon, by which time I was starving. I was very tempted to have chicken and chocolate - which would have been very bad. But I thought about my chickens at home and their personalities and the desire to eat any chicken went away. I did do vegetarian instead of vegan though, I had multi-grain tortillas with refried beans, hot sauce and cheese, and an apple for lunch. After that, my chocolate craving had died down. For dinner I made a new vegan soup recipe that was Spicy Black Bean Soup. It was spicy but it was also pretty decent, and I paired it with vegan corn muffins (just substituted soy milk for regular in a recipe and used egg replacer for the egg called for).

A Super Exercise Day

2009-02-03T11:23:00.002-07:00

This morning I made it to the gym at 5am and swam for about 30 minutes, and then later made it to a different gym for strength training, so I am very happy with myself on both counts!! Plus, my healthy eating is going well. Last night we made Parsnip Chips from Veganomicon, a vegan cookbook. They were truly fantastic! I also tried a new type of bean that has an inherent sweetness, called Chana Dal. It was ok, with complex flavors, and I'm looking forward to trying other preparations of it. We had a kiwi fruit for dessert, and then some popcorn with "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray and seasoning salt. It was a very lowfat day in terms of diet. The vegan concept is a great way to focus on healthy foods without focus on calories. Also, it's hard to over eat on veggies - it would take effort.

Another Day of Swimming, and Good Food

2009-02-02T08:20:00.003-07:00

I got up at 4:45am and made it to the gym where I have a guest pass to swim for about 30-35 minutes. I swam laps until I was getting really tired, and then spent 5 minutes in the hot tub and headed home to be here by 6 for the morning chores and making breakfast/packing lunch for my husband before he heads to work. I made smoothies and oatmeal again, nothing novel.

For lunch though I tried something new. Last night I made baked tofu, using the recipe for Baked Five Spice Seasoned Tofu from the Vegan Chef website. I put some of the backed tofu in a multi-grain tortilla wrap along with some white bean puree, some finely chopped carrots and some organic baby lettuce greens. That and an apple should do it.

Some Cardio is a start

2009-02-01T17:59:00.002-07:00

I went to the gym with a friend today and swam for about an hour today, which actually felt great. I have plans to do it again this week but there is a slight complication in that we don't belong to the same gym, so I can't meet up with her regularly long term.

I planned healthy menus for the week and pre-packaged the supplements I want to take this week so I can toss one in with each lunch, etc. I'll be trying a few new things.

High Protein Vegan Smoothies

2009-01-31T21:45:00.004-07:00

Protein is important in a weight loss program, and going the vegan route, I can't get it from lean meats. So, in talking to other vegans and vegetarians, I decided to take some of their suggestions. I've been making protein smoothies in the mornings, splitting them with my husband so this recipe is for two:

One organic banana
1/2 c. frozen organic berries, any kind
either 1/4 package silken tofu or one small container soy yogurt, any flavor
one packet of Emergen-C Vitamin powder (I use the Lite variety, 5 calories)
Soy Protein powder (or Whey Protein powder if you aren't going vegan) per package directions (usually 3 T. or 1/4 cup)
1 T. ground flaxseed, oat bran or wheat germ
1 t. cinnamon
Squeeze of agave nectar (about 1 t.) or honey if you want to go non-vegan
1 c. of soy milk (or rice, oat, almond or other non-dairy milk); I use the light variety

Put the solids in the blender, add the powders and the liquid; blend. The agave is for sweetness and is optional. Each of the ingredients is selected for nutritional value. Depending on the ingredients you use, you can compute the calories and this is usually around 185-225 calories.

In addition, since just a shake tends not to get me too far, I have oatmeal for fiber and the whole grains. I've been using "weight control" Quaker instant oatmeal, which is 160 calories. I also put in a few dried cranberries or a few slices of the banana instead of using it all in the shake. I am not a huge oatmeal fan, but I can tolerate this. Another option is making steel cut oats the night before in the crockpot. I'll post a recipe for that later.

With both the smoothie and the oatmeal, this is a meal that is reasonable in calories, low in fat, and high in protein and fiber. It also has a number of health benefits.

Getting Back On Track!

2009-01-31T11:01:00.002-07:00

Well, it was not a good thing to have to leave town and get off track. I wasn't able to exercise or have great food options, though I was as careful as I could be given the circumstances. It was a very emotionally draining and physically exhausting trip due to a lot of family drama that could not be helped due to the imminent medical emergency at hand. So, when I came back I had to take a little downtime and I spent a little time lazing with a movie instead of hitting the gym.

Rather than beat myself up about this, I'm just going to get back on track this week and plan this weekend so that I have healthy menus and food on hand, I get my exercise program back on track, and don't allow myself to completely fall off the wagon.

A Little Derailed

2009-01-22T22:08:00.001-07:00

Got a little derailed due to a family emergency. Had to leave town on short notice. Tried to be responsible, bring workout clothes, etc., but it's clear that I'm not going to get away long enough to work out. Food choices are limited. Trying to not view it as a major setback but a mere bump in the road. Should be back on track in a few days.

And So It Begins.....

2009-01-20T08:41:00.003-07:00

I am very much looking forward to what I think will be a great speech today. I am pleased to report that I got up early and hit the gym for an hour as I had planned, primarily working on strength training today. I'm figuring out what weights I'm at on what machines and starting to get back into a routine. I got a gym locker, loaded up the ipod with good tunes, and didn't notice the time too much, which is good. I haven't worked out regularly in a long time so I can already feel a little sore in some muscles but in the long run, I know it's a good thing.

I found it interesting how many young people were watching CNN in the gym today. That is awesome! If you think about what slaves and people of color have gone through over time, working out is nothing.....nothing at all to complain about.

It's The Best Thing I Can Do For Myself

2009-01-19T22:50:00.003-07:00

My number one reason to get in better shape is that it's the best thing I can do for myself. It will help me in every aspect of my life - being healthy and fit is all around a huge plus. I want to live as long as I can in decent health, and that means making some changes. Though I admit to dreading the exercise component kicking in, I'm trying to think positive. I took a drawer of my dresser and filled it with exercise clothes so I am not seeking socks and sports bra at 6am, dug out my tennis shoes, my gym ID card, etc.

Tomorrow we kick off a new Presidency, an era of hope, a time of change...and not just at the national level, but the personal level as well.

Better Self-Image

2009-01-18T09:43:00.003-07:00

My number 2 reason for getting in better shape is that it results in better self-image - which has all sorts of positive consequences, ranging from more confidence to better sex. Usually I just don't think much about looks or appearance and I ignore anything about my appearance I don't like and can't easily change. But, it would be nice to like body parts instead of hate them. I'm sure I will be proud of myself when I achieve my goals and get in better shape, and hopefully I'll feel better physically, as well as emotionally.

I am looking forward to the inauguration, though I admit I'm dreading kicking off my exercise program. But, one day at a time...I can get through it. Still working on water intake, though I added in taking a daily calcium supplement as a new habit in addition.

I'm working towards giving up diet soda and anything with artificial sweeteners; using up the last of the Caffeine Free Diet Coke this week.

To Get Out of the "Obese" Category!

2009-01-17T12:15:00.005-07:00

My number 3 reason for getting in shape...I hate to admit it, but for several years I've fallen into the "obese" category. When I first discovered this years ago, I found it hard to believe, because as I looked around me there were so many HUGE people who were SO much bigger than me, they defined "obese" to me, not my own shape. Of course over time I came to accept that it's really about body mass index (BMI) and how much fat we carry around. There's no doubt I have too much fat and I need to change that dynamic. First I was in disbelief the label applied to me, then more or less denial that it mattered, and now I accept it and recognize that only one person can do anything about it, and that's me.

I'm not out to achieve a specific weight. I have a "goal ballpark" I'm aiming for of around 150lbs, but that's flexible - maybe 160 will work for me, maybe I can get to 140, I really don't know. For my height, 5'6", that's a decent range. Height-weight tables tell me for my frame I should weigh 130-144. I don't know if that's realistic, it's too far removed from where I am to matter to me right now. So I'll aim in the right direction, head for a ballpark, and see how things are going when I get closer to my target range. That's still a long way off, so no sense in worrying about it.

What I can focus on in the meantime though is at least getting out of the "obese" range and into the merely overweight range. Still not good, but a step in the right direction! Everyone knows obesity causes all sorts of health problems.

I've gathered up all my books on diet, exercise, etc. So many programs I never got through...I'll read them here and there and take the good/useful portions and discard the rest. One issue I have with a lot of the more popular eating plans is that adapting them to vegetarian/vegan is a process that takes awhile. I've had my best past success with the Scarsdale Diet, but although I like that diet a great deal because it's easy to follow and you don't have to count calories (and it works!) it is not well suited to vegetarian. It has a vegetarian suggested menu, but it's all so unappetizing I know I couldn't stick to it, realistically. So I don't think that will work this time around.

Still struggling with the water thing. It will take awhile, probably several weeks or longer, to get used to changing that habit. I just have to work on it every day and pay attention to it.

For My Family

2009-01-16T08:24:00.004-07:00

My number 4 reason for getting in better shape and more fit is that it will benefit my family. My husband and I can enjoy more activities together. He is more fit, more athletic, and more experienced in all sports and outdoor activities except horseback riding. I'd love to beat him someday at something because I'm naturally competitive - but I'll settle for being able to keep up! We've had some nice hikes together, but I'd love to be able to climb a mountain with him without hating it (and reach the top!) and it will be nice on vacation to be able to do more things together.

My kids are animals, but they'll benefit too. I'm sure the dogs would love more exercise, and I'd love to be able to run with them now and then. My horses will appreciate a lighter rider, and we can ride more often and farther, resulting in better exercise for them and for me. All the animals would prefer to have a healthy mom, I'm sure, who has a lot of energy to spoil them, take care of them, and play with them.

Still working on the water habit today.....and actually a little puzzled by the weight I've lost this week. Must be water weight? Since I'm not working out and I doubt diet alone would burn that much fat I know this is very atypical and won't get too excited about it, though it is a nice motivator and way to kick off the "conscious effort" lifestyle.

Greater Convenience & Comfort

2009-01-15T21:33:00.002-07:00

My number 5 reason to get in better shape is that being in shape is simply more comfortable and more convenient. Airline seats on long flights are more comfortable the smaller you are. Life is designed for the average person, not the overweight person - so all kinds of things get more convenient if one is in shape. There's a wider selection of clothes, activities, etc. Weight is no longer a consideration. You don't have to wonder if they have a scuba suit in extra large or whether you'll exceed the weight limit on the helicopter ride.

I'm not adding a new daily habit today because I haven't made any progress on the last one - drinking more water. I want to succeed at that one before adding another. I have continued to be very responsible with diet and therefore, I continue to lose weight. I'm sure this is because I had been consuming extra calories the last month or two, and stopping that probably is a help...no more pumpkin pie, whipped cream, cheese, etc. Also, I know my calorie intake is down from paying more attention to portion control, and sticking with a vegan diet all but one day this week so far.

To Succeed Where I Have Failed Before

2009-01-14T09:50:00.003-07:00

My number 6 reason for trying to get in shape and take better care of myself is that it is something that I have tried to do before and failed. I've had temporary successes, but I get derailed. In part, I get derailed because of my job - I'll have months of a good diet and exercise and then get busy with work and it all falls apart. I don't plan well enough in advance to get through long periods of job stress - I fall back on fast food and time crunches and I don't make time for myself, I give it all to the job. I know I have a big all-consuming job assignment in March, so if I can get on track before then and plan ahead, and maybe solicit some extra support during that time from friends or family, then I hope I can get past one of these big work challenges without falling off the diet and exercise wagon. I feel like if I can get past it just once, then I can again - but so far I never have. A major work project derails all my personal care, no matter how well it is going.

In addition to work, I've gotten derailed by travel before, and by reaching a point where I get depressed or lazy and take a day off - and one becomes two, then a week, then...well I lapse back into bad habits. I mean, it's so nice to just eat ice cream and not care about the calories, to bake cookies you crave and eat as many as you want, to laze around watching movies and not push myself to do anything at all. It's a vacation. The health and exercise program takes energy and it wears me down over time. Unlike most people, I never seem to get MORE energy from exercise, it just makes me tired. I don't know if that will ever change.

I think there are many parallels between eating badly and alcoholism. You can tell yourself you won't eat bad foods and then find yourself eating them without realizing it. You can find yourself slipping once and ruining a long period of success. And, you can find yourself doing what you know you don't want to do and not being able to explain it to yourself. So I am going to try and work on my conscious mind, my subconscious mind, and get into habits and patterns that seem natural and routine so that my defaults are to things that are good for me, not things that are bad for me.

I've been able to do most of what I set my mind to, so I don't like having this one area of failure in my life that I've never really conquered to my satisfaction. Time to change that. I don't want to hit 40 with this issue unresolved. I didn't want to hit 30, or 35, or any other age with it unresolved either, but I didn't make the commitment necessary to make it change. So now is the time...for change I can believe in, and make happen.

And my small habit change for the day is actually a big one - drinking more water. Everyone says it is vital to health and weight loss, but I just hate drinking water. I have to re-frame it - I like achieving the goal of drinking more. It's good for me. So each day I'm going to try and drink more until I get to 8-10 glasses a day, every darn day.

Although I haven't been exercising yet, I've been paying attention to my diet - not rigorous portion control yet, but healthy, vegetable based meals and trying to move away from pasta, etc. and no desserts. So far I've been losing a few pounds and that's good. I am encouraged that even with only a little effort (no more soy creamer in coffee, no more dessert, no more bagels and cream cheese, etc.) I'm getting started on getting a little weight loss going. I hope I can move the trend consistently down

More Fun With Activities I Like

2009-01-13T17:38:00.004-07:00

Reason No. 7 to get in better shape is one of the most motivating for me....being able to do more activities I'm interested in, for longer periods of time, and better. I like white water rafting, hiking, camping, horseback riding, and adventure travel. All these things are best done when one is fit. Although I've done them anyway, I know I would enjoy them more if I were in better shape. I'd like to be able to take the dogs for a short run or a long hike, and to get into a regular riding routine with the horses. I'm inherently competitive, but I've never played team sports and I don't know of any I like. I wouldn't mind playing basketball or racquetball or tennis if I had a partner, but I usually don't.

Long term, my next very active trip will be in 2010, and by then I'd like to be ready to do anything and everything the trip has to offer. Long range, I'd also like to take a horseback riding trip, which means increasing both my riding ability and my physical fitness. And, I'd like to travel to the Amazon and Borneo and several other places where being fit is a definite asset.

So far, I've been responsible with my diet, I'm getting the house cleared of tempting items, I'm working on getting psyched for a daily exercise routine (by far the hardest part), and my daily "habit building" has been 100%. So today I add to multi-vitamin, fluoride, and daily moisturizer...daily facial cleanser - an easy one, but one I am not currently 100% on.

Better Clothes

2009-01-12T09:25:00.002-07:00

Reason 8 to get in better shape: so I can have a wider range of clothing options, and even wear what I actually like. I'm not a fashion person at all, but I have some sense of personal style that I can't really put into play. Not everything is made in larger sizes, or looks good on a bigger shape. There are many things I see in catalogs that I'd like to wear that just don't look good. Shopping for clothes in stores is generally a bad experience because they don't have much selection in larger sizes, and the changing room experience is never a good one as you realize the stuff that looks good on the rack does not look good on you.

I keep a range of clothing sizes on hand since I fluctuate based on my diet and exercise. At the moment I have very limited options, and as I get thinner the range of what I can wear will increase. Plus, when I have made some progress (a substantial amount) I'll reward myself with some new clothes I couldn't fit into today. I'm tired of wearing the same stuff all the time, a lot of which I don't actually even like - it just fits. It will be nice to be able to have more choices and to actually dress up when I want to. I have a few things I bought new that are too small for me, hoping I would some day fit into them...and not it's time to make that happen. In the meantime, I'll take the drawer I keep those things in and turn it into a drawer for workout clothes, which I will pick out in advance once a week so I don't have to mess with finding them when I need to workout - giving me a nice excuse to delay or avoid.

So far I'm doing fine on the vitamin and fluoride habits and today I'm adding in using a daily moisturizer, which has SPF 15 sunscreen. It's a simple thing to do, doesn't take much time, I just don't manage to make myself do it. I like Oil of Olay and Aveeno daily moisturizer and I have some on hand so I just need to make a point of using it!

I am not looking forward to the exercise routine kicking in, but I'm glad I have a little time left to psych myself up for it.

For Better Health

2009-01-11T10:33:00.003-07:00

Number 9 in my top ten countdown to inauguration day of reasons to change is for my health. While this one is probably obvious to most people, I have to admit I rarely have spent much time worrying about my health, because I have been fairly lucky and not had any chronic problems. When I do have a health issue, I of course suddenly vow to do better, but then it passes and I forget. Not good. I am getting to an age where I know better, and it's time to be proactive so that I don't have crummy '50's and '60's and beyond, riddled with health concerns. I want to avoid diabetes, cancer, osteoporosis, etc., and that means I have to actively start paying attention and taking steps to accomplish that. I want to remain active and travel and live life to its fullest well into my old age so I need to plan for that. That means lifestyle changes, not just preventative vaccines, etc. I know losing weight and getting fit is the number one best thing I can do for myself in terms of improving and protecting my health.

I'm committed to taking a daily multi-vitamin, at a minimum, and if I can remember I will take other supplements as well. I've already made the switch to whole grains, which was difficult at first, but already done. I'm focusing on more fruits and vegetables, and on a meat and dairy free diet as much as possible. In addition to the health benefits this offers from low cholesterol and high fiber, I'm morally opposed to killing animals for consumption and that's a philosophy that I don't always put into action as well as I would like. Going vegetarian at a minimum and vegan as a goal will help me think about each meal I prepare and that should help with both weight loss and healthy eating choices.

I will be watching a few specific health components over the next year to see how they change with better focus on diet and exercise. I have some typical issues for people my age (38): joint pain now and then, some back problems now and then, some inflammation (bursitis) in my hips that can be very stiff and painful when I get up from a resting position, and the occasional sleeping problems or digestive issues. In addition, I have a join I dislocate often, and I need to do some specific exercises to make that as strong as I can. I also don't drink enough water, and I am going to start focusing on that and try to drink as much as possible, even though I don't like to do so.

Today's "small habit change" is that I am going to remember to use the fluoride my dentist wants me to use at least once a day. There's a surprising connection between good dental hygiene and other health issues, and I can't financially afford cavities these days. I have weak tooth enamel and i need to reinforce it, but to use the fluoride after brushing is an extra step I never seem to get around to. It's simple laziness that I have to stop. I should do it 2x a day, but I'm going to set the standard as once a day and put it on my daily to do list until that becomes a habit.

Obama Inspires Me to Change

2009-01-10T09:35:00.005-07:00

I'm actually not an Obama groupie, but I admit that for the first time ever, I voted for a Democrat for President. I was so impressed that Obama took on the political machine and won on his own terms, without playing the standard game, playing dirty, or pandering. Defeating the power couple of Bill and Hillary, who represent a lot of what I despise about modern national politics, was brilliant. He actually motivated millions, gave us hope, and accomplished what many thought was impossible. His strategy and organization were stunning to behold. And so as I watched, I began to shake off some of my cynicism that I didn't realize I'd really accumulated. He made the seemingly impossible come to pass. He made history. And in so doing, he inspired me to think about what I would like to change in my life. What did I think was practically impossible, to the point I'd nearly given up on it? I once thought I would never get a chance to vote for a President I believed in vs. the lesser of evils. And yet...it came to pass....so what other beliefs should I examine as I try and shake off cynicism and turn to hope? What change on a personal level could I believe in?

While there are always things I can improve (certainly I could be neater, more organized, manage money better, train the dog better, be better at activities, be a better manager at work, etc.) there is only one area of my life that I feel I truly have not been able to make satisfactory progress and get where I would like to be - or at least in the ballpark. Over the years I have been able to achieve my educational and professional goals, to develop emotionally, build healthy relationships, have a healthy marriage...and I have a happy life. But, I've never really learned how to take care of myself. Self-comfort is a skill I didn't get growing up; I was focused on survival, and on pleasing others. I didn't learn how to think about what was best for me or my own desires seriously until I was 30. (I'm now 38). I've tried to work on taking care of myself before, with limited, and mostly temporary, success.

I'm overweight, out of shape, and I have a lifetime of bad habits that involve using food to celebrate, reward myself, comfort myself, and generally turn to even in times of boredom. I've never been big on fashion or looks, never expected to be considered good looking or popular, and always focused on my mind and intellect, not developing my body or physical skills. My parents were very sedentary, had terrible dietary habits, and discouraged or forbid me from almost every physical activity. Over the years, I have learned better diet and nutrition skills, and even gained some physical skills (I learned how to ride a bike at 30). I've tried not to let my weight determine my self-image or self-worth, to pursue activities I want to do, even if they would be a lot easier if I was in shape, and to not spend much time or energy on the issue of my health. Luckily, I am pretty healthy so far.

It's not just my weight. I'm not good at taking care of myself in other ways. I routinely forget to take a multi-vitamin, I don't always remember to brush my teeth, I hate to floss, I don't use the fluoride my dentist recommends, my skin care routine is lax at best, I don't remember to moisturize or always use sunscreen. I do enough to get by without destroying my health, but realistically, I'm not doing all that I can to live long, prevent cancer and other health issues likely to arise as I get older, and live life to the fullest. I try to remember to take better care of myself but old habits die hard, and when I get busy or there is someone or something else to take care of, I put myself last. I know it sounds bad, but the truth is, I just don't think about it; I don't pay attention.

Also, I have come to admit to myself that at heart, I am lazy. Though I have achieved a lot of things that are very hard and take determination, it's not the kind of success that only comes from daily discipline. Running a marathon or succeeding in calculus both take dedication in the form of practice. "Flash of genius" success that comes from a great idea or getting on a roll is fundamentally different from the kind of success that comes from plugging away, day after day, slowly building a skill set. I get bored. I don't like repetition. And, I don't like doing things I'm not good at. At least in my own mind, I am good at intellectual challenges and not at physical challenges. My parents always told me I was klutzy, discouraged me from trying anything physical other than basic household chores, and did not value fitness in any way. Not a huge surprise I grew up not valuing anything physical.

I have slowly built a skill set at work, but not by daily working on the same thing - just by constantly learning and doing and honing skills, which to me is a lot different from exercise, because I don't hate it. Exercise, especially cardio, I despise. They say find something you like to do. Unfortunately I have found nothing physical I like to do but ride horses, which is not feasible on a daily basis in my life. I have to try and be positive and find the upside to physical activity, but I know that is one of my greatest challenges. I'll try and capitalize on the fact that I know I'm competitive, I have some long term goals that I need to be more fit to achieve, and I have some short term goals that I can realize with some effort.

Why blog about it? I've tried keeping a journal before, and I find excuses not to do it. This way I am more or less publicly taking a journey, and maybe it will make me feel a little more accountable. Maybe someone with the same struggle can find some comfort in knowing they are not alone.

I'm kicking off on inauguration day, and using these days ahead of time to gear up, get in a positive mindset, and start working on getting into some of the "easier" health habits. I'm starting by clearing the house out of the chocolate and other temptations that can I can give in to, and developing some plans for healthy menus and exercise. I'll be trying to eat mostly vegetarian or vegan (for ethical and health reasons), with an eventual goal towards going 100% vegetarian and almost all vegan - I'm not sure that I can eliminate all cheese (but I'll try), and I have eggs from my own chickens that I don't feel bad about consuming since the chickens are happy and the egg laying is voluntary. I'll be trying to exercise 7 days a week, but I'll settle for 6 at a minimum, with 3 days of strength training and three days of cardio at a minimum.

I'm going to kick off by counting down the Top 10 Reasons to Change, one each day. The number 10 reason (not in order of importance) I've already discussed above: To Take Better Care of Myself. Each day for these 10 days leading up to "the big day" I'm going to try and focus on incorporating a small good health habit as well. Starting today, I'm going to take a multi-vitamin, and add taking it to my daily to-do list until I'm so in the habit of taking it I don't need to list it anymore.

I'm committed to this: every day that Obama is President, I'm going to take care of myself. I'm not going to ignore it. I'm going to make a personal change for good. If he can undertake everything he has, I can undertake this.